Not my Hoppy Weisse – Schneider Weisse: Tap 5 (Meine Hopfenweisse)


Now that we’ve apparently voted to leave Europe, let’s take a look at a European beer…

I mean, no matter what we do in England, the Germans will still keep making beer and hopefully we’ll still be able to get hold of it and drink it.

I am refusing to wax lyrical on the decision to leave.  This is about beer and not about politics.

For context, a few hours before the decision to leave became clear, I found out that my boss and the boss above them had had their positions “eliminated” (my overlords in the US don’t tend to mince their words with soft-soap-shit like: “pursuing other opportunities” or “spending more time with their family”) so as you can imagine, my mind was elsewhere for most of the night – when it really should have been asleep.

I actually drank this beer in response the “elimination” news – not at all by way of celebration, but more because nobody likes to be eliminated and nobody likes to find themselves adrift and managerless at 7pm on a weekday evening…although as I now write this I have a new manager now who seems to be a decent enough sort – which is some relief.

So Schneider Weisse Tap 5 – a wheat beer that’s been generously late-hopped with US craft varieties.?  That should have been of comfort to me, shouldn’t it?

Umm, no.  Not at all, in fact…

Tap 5 is quite a “dirty-looking” wheat, but not in the “has come-to-bed-eyes” sort of way, more of a reflection on the amount of yeast sediment in the bottle, and yes I know it’s a hefeweissen, mit hefe, but it’s a bit too much mit hefe for my liking.

The aroma is well, boozy.  I mean strongly boozy, and that’s because it’s 8.2%!   Jeez that’s just too much in a wheat.  It’s also strongly phenolic – which totally drowns out any of the hopping.

I just didn’t like the smell.  There, I’ve said it.

The taste is gigantic; but unfortunately it’s really cloyingly over-malty with lashings and lashings of booze. There’s some over-ripe bananas and a bit of wheaty-graininess but it’s not enjoyable.

The hops don’t do much, either – save from adding to the syrupy over-blown boozy morass.

I really, really wanted to like this beer but I couldn’t. It’s been on my list of beers to try for years now and I’m still finding it difficult to find words to express my disappointment.

It should have been far lighter on it’s feet (about 5% ABV) which would make for a delicate and refreshing wheatiness that the late hops could dance upon – that’d be a more bananas and creme-anglais with orange and lemon coulis sort-of-thing…

…rather than a dollop of mashed brown bananas soused with brandy and half a Seville orange rammed up your jacksie.

God, I hate having to writing about beer in this way:

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